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Doctor recommended for optimal cerebral hygiene 

Ugh

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Dave Matthews Band's Big Stink
(E! Online, 08/25/2004 12:30 PM)

By Josh Grossberg

This probably wasn't what Dave had in mind when he wrote "Don't Drink the Water."

The state of Illinois has filed a lawsuit against the Dave Matthews Band for allegedly dumping up to 800 pounds of liquid human waste from its tour bus into the Chicago River earlier this month.

The suit, filed on Tuesday by Illinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan, claims that a bus rented by the usually eco-friendly group was traveling cross town to the band's hotel on Aug. 8 when it pulled up alongside a metal grating on the Kinzie Street Bridge. That's when, the suit claims, bus driver Stefan A. Wohl emptied the contents of the vehicle's septic tank into the river.

And that was bad news for Chicago's First Lady, a passing tour boat filled with 100 people on an architecture sightseeing cruise that was doused by the falling excrement.

While it's tempting to whip out the old chestnut - You can't make this stuff up - if someone was to tell me that this story is entirely fictional, from some sleazy tabloid, I'd believe them.

What? It's E! Online? Not a tabloid? Oh. Yeah. Silly me, I forgot for a moment that I always read stuff like this...
DMB's spokesman, John Vlautin, says this isn't the kind of jam the band is used to and says any pollution was not intentional.

...in the New York Times.

Anyway, the article reminds me of an apocryphal story I read once about a man caught wearing full scuba gear under a women's out-house at a campground somewhere. (I'll wait while you gag or quietly curse my name for spreading such grotesquery and leaving you with a horrendous image in your head. Ok now? Sorry.)