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Doctor recommended for optimal cerebral hygiene 

Muse Held Hostage

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Bellingham, WA (AP) - A local man has contacted Bellingham and Whatcom County law enforcement agencies, reporting that his muse is currently being held hostage by the wireless phone service carriers in his area. HJM, a resident of the Historic Fairhaven District, claims that difficulties in negotiating a fair deal for a 2-line, shared-minutes plan amongst the 5 major companies - T-Mobile, Verizon, Cingular, AT&T, Sprint PCS - has resulted in his complete inability to post to his blog - transcendental floss.

"It's like they have kidnapped the very essence of my creativity," HJM said in a statement released to the press. "My head hurts, actually."

The centerpiece of HJM's complaint regards what he refers to as, "a marketing conspiracy." As an example, he cites a deal from Cingular that he alleges actually eliminates the savings for choosing a plan with fewer "Anytime Minutes". HJM said, "It only costs $10 to add a second line to a $60 per month plan offering 850 Anytime Minutes, but it costs $20 to add a second phone to a $50 per month plan offering only 600 Anytime Minutes. They both cost $70 per month. It makes no reasonable sense!"

When contacted, Cingular officials would not comment on HJM's allegations.

Meanwhile, HJM claims to be continuing his shopping regardless. "I simply have to get this over with and hopefully wrest back control of my life. I'm fairly certain that I will be unable to write anything of any discernable value until I have the phone I seek and a plan that I can live with."