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Doctor recommended for optimal cerebral hygiene 

More Green Grass

Sunday, October 10, 2004

Back in August we visited currency from around the world and noted that U.S. paper money is pathetic in comparison to legal tender from pretty much any country one could name. Today our derision extends beyond our borders, to all English-speaking nations, pointing out that, like U.S. money, our language is painfully bland to look at.

Take it in for moment, won't you? Just look at that last paragraph. Ok, now WAKE UP!!!

Sure, you can respond that it's just the font. Trust me, you can get as graphic artsy fartsy as you want about it and it won't even come close to looking as cool as, say, this:


A huge part of the cool factor is the simple detail that not one character even remotely looks like those of the Roman alphabet, of which English is derived.

Here are a couple more favorites:

مثل اقتصاد به صورت مطلق به اندازه توليد علمي داشته باشد. البته

הנפש" ול"סודות" ברכישה ישירות מהוצאת חודנה, ועם חתימת

'북 아트'를 통해 자기만의 책을 만드는 사람들이 있어요~

A relative of English, Greek, while getting closer to looking like English, still seriously kicks English ass:

Οι καταχωρήσεις αυτές ομαδοποιούνται στον Πλανήτη Ελεύθερο

Russian, using the Cyrillic alphabet, inches even closer, but no contest here as well:

Токио я передвигаюсь по проезжей части вместе с машинами, при

Further evidence of the inferiority of English is the fact that even the transliteration of some of the above languages looks cooler than English, just for having the letters arranged in sequences we are not accustomed to:

Russian: Ya govoryu nemnozhko po-russki

Korean: Woo Ri Nun Young Won Hee Nuh Uh Ga Jok Yi Da

Hebrew: Boruch Ato A-do-nai Elo-heinu Melech Ho-olom asher kidshonu

And finally, the standard Western European languages look cooler still, benefitting from the letters-in-different-sequences effect:

Seria bom que isso ficasse claro, em primeiro lugar, para o próprio governo

Og, det er jo en kjent, og tildels kjær klisjé at det er av fulle folk og barn man hører

Cercherò di portare avanti questo progetto chiamato sfoghi di un

I hang my left wing American head in shame. Someone please help get me the hell out of this country!