whew! that was a killer f*ck!

Two guards testify they saw Olson, client having sex

Despite former public defender Theresa Olson's explanation that it was only a "hug gone bad," two King County Jail guards testified yesterday that they saw her doing much more than that with her client, a man facing triple murder charges, in a jail meeting room two years ago.

"I thought I saw two individuals having sex," said King County corrections officer Leander Glenn.

Olson is accused of having sex with client Sebastian Burns, later found guilty with friend Atif Rafay of killing Rafay's father, mother and sister in their Bellevue home.

rest of article

(note: this post features the word “fuck” several times. if you find this word offensive, i don’t know what the fuck to tell you.)

theresa olson is a fucking idiot.

and this story is a fucking laugh riot.

where to begin? how about with the “hug gone bad.” for the record, there’s no such thing as a bad hug. because like a kiss and a sigh, a hug is just a hug, no matter how you parse it. it’s a brief embrace to express affection or consolation or some such noble sentiment. a hug may lead to other things, but that’s on you. don’t try to pin your jailhouse frenzy on an innocent hug, you slutty little con-monger.

moving on to officer leander glenn. he “thought he saw two individuals having sex.” i don’t know where leander is from or what his experience is, carnal knowledge-wise, but generally when two or more people are bumping uglies, it’s pretty easy to spot. you’ve got bare butts and legs akimbo, and a universal vocabulary of guttural sounds.

officer glenn, did you witness these things? yes? then miss theresa and the murderer were copulating.

we’re all adults here. we understand how quickly things get out of control when our compatible parts start rubbing up against each other. your brain (may) occasionally tell you, “this is a bad idea,” but your body says, “shut the fuck up,” and the rest is personal history.

we know this and we accept it. we may tut-tut when people get caught rubbing compatible parts with someone they shouldn’t, but still, we understand how it can happen. all of this is true—but who among you would ever (ever) consider rubbing parts with an accused triple murderer?

yes, good judgement often leaps out the window when the clothes start flying…but if you were heading inescapably in that direction and your lust bunny whispered, “oh, by the way, i’m accused of killing three people,” wouldn’t that throw a bucket of cold water on your flaming engorgements?

(if your answer is no, then what exactly would it take? seriously.)

but fine, let’s assume you’re really horny, and by golly the accused murderer will have to do. innocent until proven guilty, after all, and damn that’s a big torpedo. once again, who among us hasn’t gotten busy in a place usually reserved for nonsexy behavior? it happens, and it can be really (really) great when it does…

but. not. in. a. prison. you fugging moron. prisons have guards and bars and video cameras. and you, madam, are supposed to be a public defender, with many years of education in institutions of higher learning. did you misunderstand and think you were a pubic defender?

you can’t blame the murderer—it’s not like he’s a rock of self-control. i mean, the guy terminated three people, what was he gonna say: “no, thanks. i know you’re my only hope of beating this rap, but i just don't think it would be prudent”? when you’re looking at three consecutive life sentences, what’s another couple years for nasty behavior?

no, theresa, it’s you who will take the fall for this one. your career, your personal credibility, not to mention your chance with the future mr. right. (imagine trying to explain this escapade on a fourth or fifth date.)

all gone. poof! traded for a bad fuck with a really bad person.

no offense theresa darlin’…but you are a fucking idiot.