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Doctor recommended for optimal cerebral hygiene 

ball-peen krauthammer

Monday, October 11, 2004

charles krauthammer has lost his mind.

this occurence is unfortunate, but not entirely unexpected. it must be "hard work," after all, to be the unofficial sycophant for the bush administration for four long years.

today, however, in his zeal to slather drool upon the feet of his masters, he showed just how frayed ('fraid?) around the edges he has become.

"It is perfectly true," he says in his most recent column, "...that many millions around the world dislike Bush and want to see him defeated. It is ridiculous to pretend that Osama, Zarqawi and the other barbarians are not among them."

uh, hold up, chuck.

osama and friends dislike bush? well, okay, that's probably true. let's face it, bush is manifestly unlikeable. but why, chuck, would they want to see him defeated?

osama, for example, clearly is not all that important to the bush administration. sure, he and his minions killed 3,000 people on american soil in 2001, but as we all know by now, it's saddam who is a bad man.

and as dick cheney will tell you, should you ask him during a televised debate, there is no connection between osama and saddam.

osama, in fact, is probably pretty peeved right about now. he's probably wondering how many americans he'd have to kill to get some attention from the bush white house.

since 9/11, for all you and the administration know, osama has been serving slurpees at tysons corner mall. as far as y'all know, he's frequenting the vip rooms in south beach. in fact, as far as you know, chuck, osama is polishing the chrome on your wheels this very second.

so let's not go too far, speculation-wise, about who the al qaeda king would like to see sitting in the oval office for the next four years.

because, chuck, i'd bet your next paycheck that as president, john kerry will do more than "keep his eye on the ball." i'd bet that he'll put a laser-guided missile right between osama's eyeballs.

tsk. nah, forget it. a gentleman's wager will probably have to do. because it wouldn't be sporting to take real cash-money from a man who's taken leave of his senses.